Draco Malfoy and the Grey Hair of Doom
by AmyCoolz
Summary: Crackfic alert! Draco discovers a grey hair marring his perfect appearance as he's leaving Potions one afternoon. Read to find out what happens to the Slytherin Ice Prince as he copes with this disaster.


**.:Draco Malfoy and the Grey Hair of Doom:.**

**.:A Oneshot by AmyCoolz:.**

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Draco Malfoy was walking down the corridor flanked by his cronies Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle one afternoon after Potions class. He passed a shining suit of armor and glanced at his reflection, smirking at himself. He mentally applauded himself for a fine job on his appearance today when he stopped abruptly; something had caught his attention as he was passing by.

He rushed back, Crabbe and Goyle walking ahead of him, completely oblivious to the crisis Draco was in right now. He frantically checked his head until he saw it again: a single strand of grey hair peeked its way through the fringe right above his left ear. He shrieked – rather girl-like – as he separated it from the other hairs around it.

Pansy Parkinson, hearing this screech of distress from the fourth floor of the school, rushed down to the dungeons to Draco. "What is it, Draco? What happened?" She started rummaging in her bag and pulled out a tube of gel. "I brought a back-up," she stated, noting the hair out of place. On closer inspection, she saw his dilemma. "Oh, my God!" she squealed, pulling his head closer to her face.

"Pansy! Woman, let me go!" he screamed, wrenching free of her vice grip. "It's just a grey hair, I'll be fine." She inhaled sharply and slapped him across the face. He stared at her, shocked. "What the _fuck_, Pansy?!"

"_Just_ a grey hair?" She pressed her fingers to her temple. "Draco, darling… one grey hair leads to another, which leads to another, which will eventually take over your whole head of hair and your perfect hair will be ruined for life."

"So…?"

"_So_," she pressed, "If you don't pull it out now and calm down, your entire appearance will be jeopardized."

Draco squealed and very nearly collapsed. "Noooooo!" he screamed. "Anything but my hair!"

"Draco!" Pansy slapped him across the face again. "Get it together; this can easily be remedied." She pulled him to her again; she took one speculative glance at his head and then plucked the gray hair from his scalp. "There, all better."

"Um, Pansy…" Draco said, staring at his reflection in the armor. She looked over and her eyes met his in the metal; she saw it immediately: another grey hair had situated itself above his right ear. She reached over and plucked that one out as well.

"Are there any more that you can see?" she asked, turning him around. Her eyes widened at the sight she was met with. "Uh… Draco…?"

He gulped apprehensively. "Yes?" he squeaked.

She conjured a mirror and held it up so he could see in the armor. This time he fainted…

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By the time Pansy had managed to remove all of the grey hairs that kept popping up all over Draco's head, dinner was getting underway and he was still unconscious. She backed up and looked at her handiwork and was mortified by what she saw. Half of his head of luscious hair had been removed by her hands and there were still more. She only knew of one way to fix it: she would have to shave his head.

She levitated him carefully down the corridor towards his rooms. When they got inside, she set him in a chair, bound by the wrists and legs so he wouldn't slip under her administrations. "Oh, Draco… I do wish I were good at charms such as shaving…" she whispered. She grabbed the Muggle shaving cream and razor and set to work…

"There." She stepped back to admire her work. Draco's head was completely bald, void of any stray hairs, blonde or grey. "He's going to kill me when he wakes up," she determined, and untied him, placing him lightly on his bed to sleep…

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Draco woke up the next morning feeling lighter than air. He walked over to the loo to use the toilet when his reflection in the mirror caught his eye. His eyes widened comically as he stared at himself for a long while in the mirror. Then…

"_PANSY_!!" He ran out of the bathroom, bowling over the unsuspecting first years that had just woken up and straight into Pansy's room. "Pansy, what the bloody fuck happened to my hair?!"

She rubbed her eyes and then stopped, realization suddenly dawning on her. "Draco, darling, don't be mad, but… well, the grey hairs wouldn't stop popping up. Every time I plucked one, a couple more would show up elsewhere… I just, kind of, shaved your head to prevent any more from arising…?" she supplied.

"Pansy, I'm completely ruined! What will my father say?" His eyes widened even wider than before. "What will my _mother_ say?! Ah!!" He ran back into his room to brood.

"Well…" Pansy stated to no one in particular. "He took that better than I thought he was going to…"

"I'll say…" a first year said; Pansy sent her a death glare.

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In the Great Hall, breakfast was continuing on as normal. One Harry Potter sat at the Gryffindor table with a smug smirk on his face. "What's up, mate?" Ron Weasley asked, taking the seat next to him.

"Oh, nothing…" Harry grinned from ear to ear. "I think my plan worked."

"Wut phlan?" Ron asked, sending bread crumbs from his toast all over the table.

"Ronald, chew with your mouth closed," Hermione Granger said from beside him.

"Sowwy," he said.

"Operation: Make Draco Malfoy Go Bald."

"How did you manage that?" Ron asked, shoveling a forkful of sausage into his mouth.

"I modified a glamour charm that causes the user's victim to have grey hair. Now it only turns one strand grey, but as soon as you pull it out a few more pop up in another part of your hair. And since Malfoy is so uptight about his appearance, he wouldn't be able to resist plucking out the hairs. He would eventually pull out all of his hair." He smirked smugly, thinking back to the day before when he was crouching in the alcove above the statue of armor.

"Hawwy! Thatsf prillianth!" Ron shouted, choking on his eggs.

"Yes, Ron, I know… Would you expect less from the Savior of the Wizarding World?"

"Now you're starting to sound like Malfoy," Hermione said, looking up from performing the Heimlich on Ron.

Harry was about to say something when – speak of the Devil – Malfoy walked right into the Great Hall, sporting a beret, no doubt borrowed from Pansy. "I may sound like him," he said, sending Malfoy a dazzling smile and then smirking as realization dawned on him. "But at least I don't look like him."

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**A/N: Please don't be mad at me! I know I haven't updated anything in a really, **_**really**_** long time! I am in the process of typing up chapter 10 of "Silver Eyes Paralyze," but I'm afraid work has interfered several times. Oh, well… This was just a little something to keep you guys entertained until I have the next chapter written. Plus this is like the only thing I've posted in about a century! (Well, not that long, but it **_**feels**_** like it's been that long!)**

**Please review!**

**AmyCoolz**


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